Good Ones

“I am sorry I haven’t been here in a while.” I said as I sat next to Colin. I took a deep breath of the morning air. In the west the mountains towered, sunny and snow- capped, marked by pine and flatiron rocks and set on robin’s egg backdrop. I lit a cigarette and passed it to him.

“I quit,” I said, “So this one is all yours. Turkish Royal.”

His eyebrows met his hairline.

“Well good for you!"

He took a long pull and blew out two smoke rings.

“Is it the same?” I asked.

“What?”

“The cigarette.”

“No. Nothing is. It’s better. There is no attachment.”

“Do you still get high?” I produced a joint from my wallet.

“What you call 'high' is a constant state here.”

I laughed until I realized he was totally serious.

“What do you think humans are craving in this life?” He asked me, “They are all after the same thing.”

“What?”

“Joy. Bliss. Euphoria. Pick a state-of-being.”

“Then how do you explain suffering and those who create it?” I asked a little bitterly.

“Balance.”

“Huh?”

“You remember Star Wars?” He asked as I took a long drag from the joint.

“Duh.” I choked a bit on the smoke and let out a few hard coughs, “I am a fuckin’ Jedi.”

He laughed. “Within the force there is balance, otherwise nothing would exist. You cannot have joy without suffering, just as you cannot have hot without cold… or the light and dark side…” he winked.

“Can’t have heaven without hell.” I said with a toothy grin and bloodshot eyes.

“Just made up words: 'heaven and hell,' he said, smiling dreamily at the thunderheads creeping over the mountains. Afternoon thunderstorms were his favorite.

“So you’re saying there is no such thing as eternal damnation?” I asked, faking disappointment.

He laughed again. I enjoyed watching his eyes sparkle.

“I definitely wouldn’t say that.”

“Oh yeah?! So the Lake of Fire is real?” I asked, with all the hope of a child on Santa’s knee.

“Think about what it would be like to be a mosquito.” He said.

“Yeah, that would suck.” I said smiling. Colin laughed with me.

“Now think about being a mosquito, being smashed and killed, then waking up the next day to do it all over again.”

“Oh, snap!”

“What do you think happened to Hitler?”

“Karma is a bitch.”

I handed the joint to him.

“I thought you were already high.” I said, smiling as he inhaled.

“Well,” he said letting out the smoke, “That doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy the way it tastes and smells. That’s the whole thing… senses… and emotions… that’s what it’s all about, the experience, ya’ know?”

“What about good people?” I asked. “Do we get to become eagles or great whites or some shit?”

“Good Karma allows you to be, do or have whatever you want.” He said, “I imagine the happiest people on earth are those with the best Karma.”

“How is your Karma?” I asked, completely serious.

He turned to me and smiled.

“My choices are good ones,” he said.

I looked up as the sky as it began to rain, despite the bright sunshine, another one of Colin’s favorite phenomenon.

“Well, would you look at that!”

But when I looked down, I saw nothing but the ashy remains of an unsmoked Turkish Royal in the grass on my kid brother’s grave.

Beep Beep! I had a new text message.

My friend is pregnant. I dropped the phone. She wasn’t supposed to be able to have children.

I looked up at the sky and felt raindrops on my sun-soaked face.

My choices are good ones.